I was thinking about it this morning; I’ve lost over 104 lbs since September 1st of last year, and I feel so much better than I have in years. Heck, I feel better now than even in my last few years of active duty in the Marines. My mind jumped to what I used to use as my stock answer when someone would suggest I should lose weight: “But then there would be less of me to love! I can’t have that!” It made me feel good to have a funny answer to everyone who would have the guts to mention to me that my weight was unhealthy. These sweet people cared enough to break the polite silence we exercise when it comes to other people’s health.

A former colleague of mine, a giant of a man, asked me one day while we were driving to lunch together, “How’s your prostate?” I was surprised, but being the immodest person I am, I took it in stride. “I think it was fine the last time I got it checked. How’s yours?” He told me he asked because it’s something guys don’t ever talk about but should. He told me of his friends who had all been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and that one of them caught it too late. When he found out the others also went through it, he was upset that had they discussed it freely, that one friend of his might still be alive. He told me how men don’t talk about their health in the same way women do. It’s a forbidden topic, and it’s more acceptable to practice polite silence on the matters of health.

The vast majority of the time, people practiced that polite silence with me and my weight. I do the same with people I know, whether they are friends or colleagues. I have never pushed my lifestyle on anyone, nor have I advocated anyone else adopt my lifestyle unless they were curious and asked me. Even then, when asked, I gladly tell people what I do and why. I try to explain the science, as best I can, about why this lifestyle works, and what my experience has been thus far. Only when someone tells me that they want to do what I did will I give direct advice on how to do it, what to do, etc.

The only way in which I will break the polite silence is by telling people that I wasn’t always this fit when they point out to me that I don’t have to worry about what I eat, my weight, etc. Yes, it happens to me now: I’m told that I’m lucky my genetics allow me to be thin. AS IF!

I worked hard for this weight loss. Not in sweat (thankfully!), but in discipline. That was the key to my weight loss. My wife did some exercise, but she’s lost the majority of her weight through discipline as well. She had been heavy her entire life and is now fit and healthy due to the change in her diet. We are both examples of two different people: one who was thin and one who wasn’t. We were both overweight and now both of us are normal. We’re not atypical or outliers: we are the norm when it comes to what you can expect when you eat the right foods in the right amounts.

I practice polite silence. We all do. It comes down to our comfort levels as much as it does our cultural norms and what our society finds acceptable. While I don’t think it’s ever right to walk up to someone and say, “You’re fat and you’re going to die unless you eat right,” I think we need to have a conversation with those we love and care about when they’re overweight and let them know that there are options out there that anyone, even those who cannot exercise, can do and they can lose weight. It’s not impossible, and nobody is a lost cause. It just takes determination.

Reach out for help if you’re one of these people who need some extra motivation. Whether you contact me or someone else you know who has lost a lot of weight, get help. My wife and I had my cousin Sarah to bounce ideas and thoughts off of. Sarah received many a text message, email, and phone call from me in the beginning as Sherry and I didn’t really know what we were doing. Now, we’re well versed and into the lifestyle and we can help.

In the most polite way ever, let me say this: If you’re overweight, do something about it. It’s within your power. I know you think it’s hard or that you will suffer, but you are worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT. And it’s not nearly as bad as you think it will be. That, I can promise you.