Yes, it’s kind of embarrassing. I was a failure.

2014vs2016edgefacePeople say I’m brave, bold, or have no modesty because I share photos that show me at my fattest or without much clothing on. While it may be true that I’m not very modest (never was, probably will be even less so as I get older), I am not necessarily brave or bold. I just want people to see with their own eyes the transformation I was able to make in my life from being very fat to being a more healthy size (and yes, I said healthy and not thin because thin isn’t necessarily healthy and I don’t think I’m thin). However, it’s also embarrassing, but I try to not think of that.

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One year of difference: 2015 vs 2016

You see, as a Marine, we are taught from Day 1 to take responsibility for our actions, to stay in shape, to be always ready for action. We are taught that we are the example for the rest of America for what a prepared and strong American should be. I know, it sounds kind of corny, but we Marines take that kind of stuff seriously. So, when I look back and see myself so grossly out of shape, overweight, and weak, it means I failed on some basic levels. I let myself go. I didn’t care enough about myself to keep the weight down and to at least engage in some physical activity.

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2014 vs 2016

Now, when I see pictures of myself at my largest, I cringe a little. Not because I was fat, but because I was deluding myself into thinking everything was okay, ignoring all the signs of my obvious poor health, and all the discomfort I was experiencing. I was a failure at keeping myself healthy and physically able to do even the most basic things like put up shelves or help paint a wall.

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Now, as I struggle to lose the last 7-10 lbs, I look back and see a man who was lying to himself, to everyone who knew him, and who failed at being ready for life. I see a man who gave up on ever being fit again, and was resigned to poor health and an early death. That is no longer the man I am, and I hope that by showing the pictures of myself before and after I made the leap into the Paleo lifestyle, I’m able to motivate others to do something. Anything. Just get healthy.

3 thoughts on “Yes, it’s kind of embarrassing. I was a failure.

  1. I was at my heaviest in 2015…for a lot of different reasons, but basically it came down to the same thing. I gave up on myself. It’s hard to accept I ever let it get that way.

    Liked by 1 person

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