The Emotions of my Journey

So, I’ve been writing with advice and motivation, but I haven’t been as forthcoming with how it has felt to be losing all this weight. I will rectify that oversight with this post.

It’s amazing.

EJ160221I feel great. I look great. I haven’t felt this youthful since I was 30. I am able to jump, run, and stretch in ways I could only dream of doing a mere six months ago. I literally feel like they took my brain and put it into a younger and thinner person’s body. The irony is that I’m still not “thin” by health standards, but compared to where I was almost 94 lbs ago (from my highest) and 75 lbs ago (from August 31), I feel thin, and it feels great!

It’s scary.

My wife has never heard me say that, but as much as I enjoy the new me, the new clothes, and my reflection in the mirror, there is a fear that somehow, this is a fluke. That at some point, regardless of what I do, it’ll all come back and I’ll be as heavy or heavier than before. That I’ll let myself and everyone I care about down.

That is what fuels my drive to never let that happen.

That is why I keep my “head in the game” to conquer that fear and to never let what I fear come to pass.

It’s motivating (technically not an emotion, but…).

Seeing the results, whether they are on the scale or in how my clothes feel on me, motivates me to keep going. There’s nothing that puts a smile on my face as easily first thing in the morning as seeing smaller numbers on my nemesis, the scale. On those days when the number doesn’t move (which has happened a lot to me in the past three weeks!), I have to take solace in knowing that it’s a long-term process, and that just because the scale isn’t rewarding my hard work, the loose fit of my pants are.

It’s aggravating.

Like I was saying in the paragraph above, when the scale doesn’t give me lower numbers, it is aggravating. When I eat a little too much in a day, I get aggravated with myself. When I allow myself to eat something questionable (not completely out of our eating plan, but not within), I become aggravated with myself.

It’s heartbreaking.

When I see people who are morbidly obese like I was, or when I talk to people who tell me they could never do what I am doing, it breaks my heart. I feel sad for them because I know anyone can do this. I am not super-human, nor do I possess any super-strength or motivation. I am not an expert or pro at losing weight. I’m just a guy who found a way of eating that works for him that requires very little physical effort. Watching people put away the horrible sugar and carb-rich foods when they are obese yet trying to do what they think is everything in their power to lose weight yet continue to fail, it is heartbreaking.

It’s satisfying.

In the end, I’m happy with where I’m at. I was unhappy as a huge guy, and yes, I’m happier as I’m thinner. I’ve read that losing weight will not make someone unhappy magically become happy. Of course, that’s true; weight loss in and of itself doesn’t bring happiness. What it has done for me, however, was give me more confidence, give me a better body image which in turn makes me feel better about myself which in turn makes me generally happier. I am satisfied with my journey so far, and I’m optimistic for where I’m headed. Sure, I expect the trend to slow as I get closer to my target weight, but progress is still being made, and at a rate that is both acceptable and exciting.

Total progress so far:

Current weight: 214.9 lbs
Weight lost since September 1: -75 lbs
Weight lost since highest: -94 lbs
Target weight: 175 lbs
Loss to go: 40 lbs

3 thoughts on “The Emotions of my Journey

    1. I’m 67″ (5’7″) tall. 175 is considered on the heavy side of a healthy weight for that height. That’s my first goal. My second goal is 160 lbs or so.

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