I ate too much. Again.

This is an interesting look into what my mind does to me when I eat too much, and when reality hits the morning after.

Written at 10 pm: I hate when I do this. I ate too much today. I ate too much yesterday, too. It was all Paleo, but still; volume is volume. Oh, and it was full of sugar. Maybe natural/good sugars, but sugar nonetheless.

I told myself that it is what it is, and that I’ll live with it, but the guilt is killing me. I’m so afraid of what the scale is going to say in the morning. This morning, it was 167 lbs. I’m afraid tomorrow might be closer to 170 lbs. I’m going in the wrong direction. Starting tomorrow, I’m back on a mini-Whole30. I won’t go 30 days, but I’m eating Whole30-only foods starting tomorrow until I’m back down to 165 lbs.

Was the food good? Yes. It was absolutely amazing. But I hate the guilt that goes with it. I hate feeling bloated like I do. I hate how my stomach is wondering why it got stretched so much. I hate losing definition in my stomach due to the water being retained in my skin.

I just need to stop worrying about it, and get back to normal portions tomorrow, and the weight will come back off. I know it will. I just hate these temporary spikes. Ugh.

Written at 8:00 am the next morning: Well, the scale had me up less than a pound. I was expecting three. Turns out, I worry too much. Considering the amount of food I ate and the lack of a bowel movement, it makes sense. So, today I will continue to eat right (as I always do) and I will run tonight as I do on Mondays. Then, I will watch my weight go back down to its normal level.

I don’t know why I stress so much about my weight going up. I guess it’s a fear I have of returning to the unfit and unhealthy person I used to be. I am so deathly afraid of my health spiraling out of control that I feel the need to be in strict control of all of it. Then, when I do something that is out of the norm, I stress even more.

I know it’s not healthy to stress about eating a little more than normal. I know that my weight will not spiral out of control with one day of eating more Paleo food than normal. I will continue to work on the emotional aspect of this journey. I know how to lose the weight. I know how to get fit. I know how to stay healthy and fit now. I know how to keep the weight off. Now, I just need to learn how to keep my emotions in check in regards to my weight.

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