Trying Not to Go Crazy

I have mentioned before that I have an eating disorder: I like to eat too much. It is something I’m struggling with as I’m on vacation right now, and I’m eating everything in sight (or so it seems). I have been doing a lot of walking, and I’ve also been running while on vacation, but I know that maintaining my weight is primarily the function of the diet I eat which, admittedly, has included far too much food.

I have some anxiety over this. Okay, a lot of anxiety. I worry about the weight I’ll gain, and I worry about the work I will have to do to lose it again. The only solace I have is the knowledge that diet works to reduce weight, and that I’ve done this before. Successfully. I also know it’s impossible for me to regain all the weight I lose in 12 days, and while I can feel myself swelling from the retained water, I know deep-down that I’m not getting overweight. I’m eating too much: yes. I’m even eating foods I never allow myself to eat: yes. But I’m on a vacation, and possibly on my only trip to Ireland and Scotland, so I will enjoy it to the fullest.

With all that said, it’s hard not to go crazy with anxiety and guilt, but I refuse to deny myself this once-in-a-lifetime experience of living it up in Ireland and Scotland. I’ll deal with my weight when I get home. In the meantime, I’ll be as sensible as I can, and I will get as much exercise as I can to make sure I remain physically fit. I may be a little heavier when I get home, but at least I’ll still be fit.

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