Seeing my ghost in the mirror

IMG_6898That’s what it was like the first time I saw my thin face in the mirror. I know, it didn’t happen overnight, but I guess I hadn’t paid much attention to the changes my face had been going through as I was losing weight. One morning, I looked into the mirror to shave, and it struck me; the face looking back at me was a face from my past. It was my former face; my thin face.

My wife and I were talking the other night, and she was saying that it’s still strange for her every now and then that I am as thin as I am now. When we met, I was nearly 300 lbs, and she’d never known a thin E.J. (me). She’d seen photos of me when I was younger or when I was in the Marines, and she said she’d pause to look at them every now and then, but she said it was like looking at a ghost from the past and not looking at me. Now, she says, I look like I did in the photos she would look at.

Now that I’m back to my pre-fat weight, I feel strange when looking at photos of myself when I was overweight. I remember being that person, of how I felt, of how hard it was, and all the other negative aspects of it. There were very few positives about being that unhealthy and unfit, and I think back to how much pain I was hiding, both physical and emotional. I never want to go back to being that person.

I am pretty happy with where I am with regards to my health and fitness right now, yet I try to keep improving myself all the time. I am working on increasing my speed when I run, and increasing my max push ups. I would like to weight a few lbs less than I do right now, but in the grand scheme of things, I’m at a good weight and I am what people describe as “Thin.” I like seeing my ghost in the mirror. He’s a ruggedly handsome guy.

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